This weekend, was spent either sleeping or thinking. It contained  was zero excitement, no drama, no earth shattering moments. It was great and honestly I wish I was still cuddled in bed ( I might have slept 42 hours total this weekend).  Those 12+ hours I was awake, my mind kept drifting back to passion... 
- I know what I am passionate about, but that is so different than living with/from a passionate heart. I thought about how how the idea of living from a place of passion scares me,  how broken I am from the last 6 months of 2012.   Even simply writing those words take all the energy I have. I don't want to push aside the hurt and pretend like it didn't happen, I don't want it to turn into bitterness, anger, and overall misery, I want to learn, heal, love, forgive and come back stronger, from it.  I want a healed heart that has learned to LOVE PASSIONATELY, that is not scared to move forward, because of pain. 

Defining Passion - It's not what I thought.

 There is that part of me that just wants to jump right in and explore what might be my passions, what makes my heart feel alive and right, just go for it. Then there is that part of me that says Woh, slow down, you better figure out what passion is before you jump right in there lady.  Yes, this is how my mind works, and in Art School it drove both me and my proffesors CRAY CRAY...

From Merriam - Webster  

often capitalized

a : the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death

b : an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion

2

obsolete : suffering

3

: the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces

4

a (1) : emotion <his ruling passion is greed> (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason

b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction

c : an outbreak of anger

5

a : ardent affection : love

b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept

c : sexual desire

d : an object of desire or deep interest

From Urban Dictionary

Passion is when you put more energy into something than is required to do it. It is more than just enthusiasm or excitement, passion is ambition that is materialized into action to put as much heart, mind body and soul into something as is possible.

         After looking at these, I am both EXCITED and a little bit SCARED about this next year... But mainly I love that Jesus had such a passion for me and you. That He was willing to go thru ridicule, humiliation, suffering, torture, and death because He Passionate for US. 

Signing off with a Blown Mind & Super Mushy Heart. 

My One Word #365 PASSION

           Hi my name is Rebecca and I have forgotten what PASSION is, how to have it in my life. 

There are some seriously good reason for this, which I could go into, but you might cry, get sad and well it's day 3 of a new year and I would prefer you to be happy and full of hope. :O)  It's a New Year, anything is possible, let's keep with that!

          I realize that when people here the word passion they think of passion in a relationship between lovers. Which is beautiful, but that is not what I have lost. I still get butterflies when my husband of 10 + years kisses me.  But in stead I have let the circumstances of life over take me and where me down.  And if I am being totally honest with you, for the last 18 months, the only time I hear that still small voice, that I have come to know as God, the question has been :

" What are YOU PASSIONATE about ? "

Me

 "What are you Passionate about Lord?"

Him

 " That is not what I asked you, what makes your heart beat, Rebecca?"

Me

"I'll go and do what ever you what."

Him

"Thank you,  and I love that about you, but that is not what I am asking you to do at this time. I am asking you what are you Passionate about, what makes your heart cry out, what makes you feel alive."

Me:

 ... you could hear pins drop and I just turn and walk away. 

So 2013 is going to be the year that reminds/helps me find what I am passionate about and remember how my heart beats with Gods and how my passions are His desires for my life. Hope that you enjoy this journey with me...

(photo from http://hypnoticmystery.deviantart.com/art/Passion-Wallpaper-179848193)